For What its Worth

So... One of the things I want to do with this blog is to publish some of the things that I have written over the years. Some of it will be good, most won't. : ) But I said I would describe my self a little so the following is something that I wrote about 10 or so years ago. I still feel its pretty applicable.


I have heard it said that there are two types of people in the world: antagonists and protagonists, however I don't categorize myself as either. Both pit themselves at their opposite: good or evil. I fight for neither side; I fight for both sides; but ultimately I fight for my side. If someone called me argumentative I would say, "Yeah I'd like to see you prove that, ya jerk!" Of course, to myself, I would be saying, "That’s right - but you’re still a jerk!"

I will argue over anything. With me, arguing is like what the Native Americans called “counting coo”. For the Indians, like present day undercover government officials, it was a disgrace for their enemies to be able to sneak up on them. So what they would do to insult their foe was slink up to them and touch ‘em with a stick. This was the basic theme behind counting coo. Now I realize that this practice would not fit in present day society. Most people would beat the crap out of a half naked man smacking them with a tree branch (a practice known commonly in New York as mugging); but to the Indians, counting coo was a sacred custom (just as mugging is in New York). The truth is, the routine didn’t fit in their society either. It became a common belief that a man carried a big coo stick to compensate for a small tomahawk (if you know what I mean!). Then came the discovery of Jimi Hendrix, which led to the general lack of appreciation for a coo stick.

But I digress…

For me, arguing is like counting coo; my only goal being to disgrace my adversary using any way possible (like certain present day politic-radio talk show hosts) even if it means scooping into the primordial ooze of over-used insults and half-assed slander (again, conservative radio hosts rush to mind). So I say it and then usually, I regret it either the next day, when I’m lying on the couch feeling guilty, or the next day when I’m lying in the hospital feeling nothing -- because I ‘m surviving on morphine. The afore mentioned outline is known as adding injury to insult.

Now I admit that my remarks do, on occasion, get out of hand; but you gotta understand how my mind works. Let’s take this scenario for example, to get a better grasp on how I think.

A rather large man is standing in front of the only vending machine in sight. I am starved and have just a few minutes left on my break so naturally I’m in a rush. Well, the large man obviously isn’t breathing enough to accommodate for his body size; and his brain is deprived of oxygen, because he is just blankly staring at a bag of spicy corn nuts. I politely say, “Excuse me,” with no response so I…

A.) Politely tap him on his gargantuan shoulder while kindly inquiring if he’d mind moving aside.

B.) Wait till my break is over, give up, and go hungry.

C.) Considerately demand that he get out of my freaking way before I have his lard ass hauled off to jail for loitering, resulting in my family receiving mass quantities of black roses and sympathy cards due to my being stuffed up the change return of a Tom’s snack machine.

As you can see, my "witty" remarks can, and do, get me into trouble; but I only do it for the sake of argument. People aren’t meant to take my argumentative remarks to heart. I don’t always mean them but somehow I always just kind of say them. With me its all nothing but a game; unfortunately the rule is no blood no foul, and I’m a free bleeder.

Note: So I wrote this when I was still in highschool. Upon rereading it I realize that I have mellowed out a lot!!! (Which to those who know me now is probably terrifying!) I am now a much more passive person. (No really!) While I still may think these thinks, I am much less likely to voice them.